How I react...and taking on an agreement

"Speak to me as a wise man, for to talk like a king means speaking as if you were backed into a corner." -paraphrasing a quote I read the other day and cannot source

Lately I have observed myself acting defensive in conversations with other people. Often in those conversations, when I feel challenged, I respond defensively -- like I was being threatened. Friends in the past have mentioned this, but only recently have I been able to see it. 

To a certain extent, I like arguing and using rhetorical tools to score points in a discussion. Sometimes that means using words with multiple meanings, or intonations, to confuse the other person. And that can be fun if I use it right. But sometimes it means I change the rules of a discussion... Drake has a line in his song Pound Cake where he says "I'm holdin' all the cards and playas wanna play chess now," which is somewhat a reflection of that rule-changing that people do when they feel down.

Quick (and very silly) story: In high school, I played on the football team for two years. Something we did often with free time before Friday games or after practices during the week was to show off... who has the biggest muscles, newest shoes, whatever. Once when some guys were comparing abs, I remember joining the competition. And sensing I had weaker ab definition than the guy next to me, I immediately said "who has a better looking stomach!" to change the conversation from muscles to overall looks. 

I won that second competition and never was judged on ab muscles. Its that kind of backed-into-a-corner/must-win perspective that I want to be more aware of and diminish. Perhaps one tool is to take things less personally. 

"What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." -from the summary of one of Don Miguel Ruiz' Four Agreements

Unrelated picture from