Confidence and Supremacy
I am better than my opponent is an oppressive psychology and employs supremacy.
My friend's played on a national-level women's club ultimate frisbee team for several years. Aside from the occasional lapses in throwing-decisions, she's really talented and now very accomplished (having attended a world's tournament and earned a national championship). But, she told me a couple years ago that she thought she had to carry an 'I'm better than my oppenent' air about her. And that's what I'm talking about here:
This 'I'm better than my opponent' air helped her feel better and more prepared while playing. I may have supported this air at the time; she definitely liked the psychology of better-than-my-opponent and some of her talented teammates endorsed the idea. The problem I have with it is that its an idea of supremacy.
Airs of supremacy limit the space of the mind. Its a crutch; and its a crutch that doesn't allow for a more complex understanding of strengths, weaknesses, and other dynamics of interaction. By assuming superiority, airs of supremacy also deny the humanity of the opponent.
Confidence is important. Knowing that something can be done is important. But relying on an air of supremacy to accomplish something sounds to me like the social psyche of Jim Crow America - an identity tied up with supremacy instead of one based on equality. Even as one tool in a psychological arsenal to win at (ultimate frisbee or) life, I believe we have to reject airs of supremacy and use, in its place, smarter and more positive approaches.
The end. Comments are encouraged.
What's below is post-script.
The more productive and less oppressive psychology would sound something like 'I'm going to work harder than this person and earn the next point (or whatever measure of success there is in the context).'
An even more productive and less violent psychology would sound something like 'This person is going to help me be my best self in terms of athletic performance (or whatever context it is). And, at my best, I can score.' This sounds to me like the Spirit of the Game that 'competitive' ultimate frisbee relies on.
Still, 'competitive' implies opposition of actors. And 'helping me be my best' implies collective achievement, something that's not done in opposition.
I'm going back on something I was earlier sure about - and quoted on. Confidence is just a facade, as I claimed about in this post. I was confusing confidence with the air of supremacy. This led me to reject confidence in ultimate/life as much as I was rejecting supremacy.
2 comments:
Hey Ben, I like this distinction. I think it's not necessarily useful to fool yourself into thinking you're better than your opponent. But it's always useful to commit to working harder than your opponent. I find this particularly helpful in coaching, because I have a team with much less experience than other top teams (no junior nationals players, no members of any elite club teams, no one that had played competitively in HS even). It's not useful to say we're better than the other team, particularly if it highlights the fact that we are in fact not better. Sure we may be more athletic, or more competitive, but better? So it can be counterproductive even to try to convince my team that we're better. But in sports, and life, the better person does not always win. The winner is usually decided by who commits to working the hardest and doing whatever they can. Thus keeping the focus on working harder can be really powerful.
I see this a lot in teaching. Kids learn they are smarter than other kids. And this works. Until they aren't. Then what are they dumber? I've seen a lot of bright kids collapse when they fail at being "smarter". On the other hand, I've never seen a "hard worker" fall apart, because they know what got them there and what they need to do.
There is tons on the Growth Mind set that says this much better.
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