Confidence/Self-Trust

Ben and I have been discussing this topic over email and we thought it would be a good subject to post for the benjamminspearsblog readers. (I'm Lisa, a friend from atl).

I began thinking about self confidence while pursuing an opportunity that was quite frankly daunting as it was staring me in the face. The feelings that overcame me were ones of fear and excitement looking at a new challenge. So, as I did in many times past I realized the dedication that it would take if I decided to go for this opportunity. But not only would I have to be dedicated, but it would require others to appoint me to this position and I racked my brain trying to figure out what it would take for others to believe in me enough to choose me for the position. I didn’t know so I asked a fellow teammate and soon to be coach, Randi, who told me, “the most important thing about being captain is having confidence in yourself.” I took what she said to mean—how can anyone believe in me if I don't believe in myself?

I shared these thoughts with Ben and his response was, “try to remember that confidence isn't what gets things done, its perseverance. Confidence is, and always was, a facade for people too afraid to see or show their own failures.”

Again, I turned this thought over in my mind and found some truth in it. And yet, I knew there was still more. I couldn’t discount the import role that confidence plays in all aspects of a person’s life. I was confused as to how I was supposed to live and desired to find an answer. I discussed the thought with friends of all different connections to me and received an array of continued thoughts.

The thought on confidence faded until one day I found myself speaking to a friend with great certainty about a school subject, yet not claiming to know it all, suggesting she inquire further. Afterward I thought about it and wondered why I am able to have such confidence some instances and not others? I decided it comes down to trust in myself. And if I am able to trust myself, my knowledge, and abilities. Sometimes I'm afraid that I will be wrong, fail, or screw up and that fear causes me to hold back from trusting myself and being bold in what I know.

So, I guess confidence, like Ben said can be viewed as a façade, more prideful and haughty. But trusting yourself is necessary and important. I think I was confusing the two.

Though, I will add, there is sometimes a time and place for a façade of confidence, like when you are a nursing student going into a patient’s room with a needle getting ready to start an IV for the first time and your knees are shaking, at that point you have to magically "create" confidence.

There is still debate out there as to how confidence applies to athletes: whether or not the best competitions have to psyche themselves up by thinking/acting like they're the best? Ben said, “there's a lack of trust whenever this thought process occurs because it looks to compare yourself to another instead of understand the truth and dignity of one's own strengths.” On the other hand another teammate, Amanda, told me that after reading Lance Armstrong’s autobiographies he is full of himself and very confident, so does it help him with that competitive edge? I don’t buy into it; not being honest with myself usually causes me to swallow a hard lump of pride.

Any thoughts on personal confidence and self trust?